my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
