Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
