I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
