I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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