Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
