I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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