He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
