My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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