Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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