I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
