Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
