who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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