just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
