I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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