does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
