dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
