the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
