I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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