I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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