my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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