today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
