: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
