oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
