he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
