I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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