my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize