wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
