Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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