the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
