that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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