Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
