someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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