His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
