I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Panties = found
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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