he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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