maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
