I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
