MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
