she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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