Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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