Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
