Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
