I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
