Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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