I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
