Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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