What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am spending my child support on dildos
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
