So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
