Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
