When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
