So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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