yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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