I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
