yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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