I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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