i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
