you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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