I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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