if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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