just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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