I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
