Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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