Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
