Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
