not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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