It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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