I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
