I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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