I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
