and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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