I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
