I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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