Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let the clothes fall where they may.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
