My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
