Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
