New invention idea: vibrating tampons
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
