You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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