drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sex in a hospital.. check
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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