My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
