Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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