Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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